The sun always shines on those who choose to see it

Haven't blogged in a while, been a good week, just sitting here looking outside, waiting for this monsoon to blow over, so I can bike to the gym.  Its been such a great positive week.. can't thank all of you enough for being so supportive on the radio show.  I think I'm finally in a place where I'm 100% confident with everything in my life, and happy with who I am.. there have been a few road blocks in the way that have disabled me from realizing my full potential, however more so recently I was finally able to get some full closure on a couple open doors from the past.  Everyone always say's with relationships why bother looking back, who needs closure, but ultimately, when you get out of a relationship quickly, and don't look back, is it really helping or hurting?  I believe for myself, he was someone I really did care a lot about, but he made sure I was reminded constantly about how much he didn't like my friends, and how much he was insecure with the person he was by trying to change me.  For granted, who in there right mind is going to say; "I love you, and I want to change you?" Nobody! haha.  But I will say, that love makes someone do stupid things, that later on they regret.  I am blessed to say that thankfully I have a really good support group, and was luckily able to not look back.  Unfortunately, time allows emotions and hard feelings to set in, and regardless if you hate that person for what they did, or miss them, I think closure is good..



With that said, I'm finally ready to bring out Michael.  The show has been going so good, just completed the second week last night, and can't express how excited I am to continue next week, with very special guest, Gary Cosgrove, of whom many of you know him from the imperial court of New York.  However I said to myself, you know its all well and great that I want to let the world know my vision for HIV/AIDS, activism,  but who the heck wants to listen to interviews all week, thats ... mediocre.  I am blessed and beyond thankful that Adam Barta, and Robert Breining came on the show as special guests, and the show's went great.  Next Wednesday I will be launching a second show, called Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd - Dirty Laundry, more or less to bring out the more juicy details.  I am highly looking forward to bringing all of you a very personal, blunt, humorous show, with the opportunity to call in.  After all, many of you know I have an opinion for everything, and I don't hold back.  So tune in Wednesday at 6:30, and recently we got the facebook up and running so check that out.  Thanks everyone for all the love and support..

As for the day, its raining here in Orlando, been working out like twice a day, so super excited that I'm back on my routine.  I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.

Michael

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/mikeslloyd
Twitter: @mikeslloyd
Straight to the Point Radio Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/StraightToThePointRadio
Twitter: @PointPozitive
Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd - Dirty Laundry (Wednesdays at 6:30 pm)-
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/straight-to-the-point/2012/06/27/straight-to-the-point-with-michael-lloyd--dirty-laundry

Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd (Fridays at 6:30pm) - http://www.blogtalkradio.com/straight-to-the-point/2012/06/29/straight-to-the-point-with-michael-lloyd--gary-cosgrove

Happy Fathers Day

Dad,

Happy Fathers Day, to the most humble, most caring, most blessed father in the entire world.  To someone who loved when he didn't have to, to the man who went out of his way, and spent tons of money, at the time seemed so priceless to adopt two helpless boys and offer them a better life, the man who still 24 years later, is still married to the best mother in the world.  For the times, I led astray, you never led me astray.  To the father who, threw a ball with me or shot hoops with me every day after work, the father, who flew home from trips  to be with his two sons for EVER SINGLE sporting event, the father who walked across the stage every boyscout court of honor, and held out his hand as scout master and shook both his hands son as they advanced to each rank.  The very same father, went out of his way to teach both his sons how to ride a bike and later on, taught both his sons how to drive a car.  Over all the many obstacles we all have gone through in life, I must say my father, Mark Lloyd is the best father in the entire world.

Love you Dad,

Michael!

its kinda a blur

          Been a whirlwind of the past few weeks, I can remember like it was yesterday, 2 and a half weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio at Savoy, having a drink and a cigarette, and I was having an argument with my boyfriend, and without thinking about it, something said, type the words, "Are we even good for each other?, and if not, what are we doing?" and I hit send... After that everything from that point on was a total blur, mainly because I chose to make it one, other than the mere factor that I had never loved someone so much before in my life, but also hated someone so much, I still to this day, get goosebumps looking at the text of those words I sent.  

  

        Before I knew it, I was sitting on a plane next to Kurt, my best friend in the entire world, and we were looking out the windows, landing in Newark, New Jersey.  Five days went by, of pure, relaxing, no drama time, with one of the most important people, other than God and my family, in my life.  It was a time to get away from all the negativity, and figure out what it was that I wanted in life.  For years I was here mooching off of whatever I could, or I was so lazy to the point where I didn't want to do anything for myself, but it was probably one of the best 5 days, and over due.  People to this day still ask me, what the hell were you thinking!!?  Truthfully, I've come to the point where I don't care what someone thinks, and if those of you heard my interview on POZIAM Radio this past Sunday, Robert Breining asked me, how do you deal with the negativity, and I said, 'I used to pay attention, but I don't anymore."

     In retrospect to, the reason I'm blogging, everything is still a complete and utter whirlwind.  I remember scheduling the interview with Robert before me and Maxx split, and I didn't really think about it, or rather put it into terms with my dreams and aspirations of furthering my involvement with HIV/AIDS activism.  Kurt, I'm sure you can relate, that we have both accomplished so much this past year, I've seen you grow as a person so much, and I'm proud to be in your life, and call you my best friend.  Just about a year ago, many of you who have been following me, probably remember I announced that I was going to start my non profit, and wanted to give back to the community.  And shortly after I slipped into drugs, but I'm not totally sure....why I'm sitting here even writing this, I guess, well, mainly I'm so overwhelmed with how quickly, everything has been falling into place and how much I've grown as a person, and its been such a natural transition, but at the same time, I keep asking myself, is it right, and I've never been happier.  

    I think back to the break up, and going to New York, and I'm sitting here in a wet towel, and theres water dripping off my beard onto the desk, and I'm dazing off into my mirror infront of myself, and getting lost in the thoughts, which I guess are forming into words, but, I'm at a loss for words I guess, its maybe the pressure of everyone, or maybe its the factor that, WOW im actually achieving my dreams and goals, and OH SHIT, I need to finish this script for my first radio show on Friday, hmmm thats in 2 days, I'm so blaaaah.  I know it'll be good, but I want to be perfect at it.  You only get a first try at a first impression, some say, your only as good as your last show, but I'm nervous, scared, but also, so incredibly happy to be moving forward in my life. 

     Oh YEAH, thats why I'm writing this!!  the break up thing,  I listen to songs, and see pictures, or read stuff that was on my computer that he wrote when he spent the night a couple times, or sweet emails he sent, and its not like i MISS HIM or anything but, I haven't had time to process ANY OF THIS, ...or maybe have I processed it?  How can someone go from being head over heels, I want to put a ring on this boys finger, to 3 weeks later, holding a ticket stub from a us airways flight 4545 to Orlando from Philadelphia, and in the other hand, a pen and a note bad with my script for a talk show that I have wanted for my entire life.  Maybe I'm just finally having time to BREATHE?   I don't think I'm scared of going forward, its just...a mind fuck.  I don't feel bad that I dumped him, or don't regret anything, because, that was the biggest learning experience of my life, other than, overcoming obstacles with meth addiction and living my life with HIV.  any who,  I am getting exhausted,  was at the gym earlier and had the runs, and started to sweat,might be getting sick from the HPV, and Tetanus shots I had last week too, maybe thats why I'm just clouded?  Blaaaah.  Is all of this normal, well. WAIT, what is normal :), normal is what you make it, normal I mean, breaking up with the love of your life, and sitting and preparing for your first talk show, and finalizing everything for your personal trainer certification exam.  All of which, is the most rewarding thing I've ever gone through, because, not only have I grown into the person I know I'm meant to be, but I am offering other people that opportunity to improve the way they live their life.  :)  ..  if your stil reading my jumble of thoughts that probably make no sense, thanks for reading.  

and check out my radio show this Friday at 6:30pm.  Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5OWYoohqJY

a piece of the puzzle

       I decided, the past two years have been one vivid roller coaster, not only that of colorful experiences many of which I don't remember but experiences that have one by one come together and added to this little thing I call the puzzle of my life.  


The following is an email I exchanged with Robert Breining the creator of POZIAM, the first email was to Robert on his article on his article "Evolution of a Cyber Activist"the same day I was diagnosed, January 26th, 2010.  

Robert,                                                                                                                              February 23, 2010

 How are you, My name is Michael Lloyd.  I read your blog on thebody.com entitled; "Evolution of a Cyber-activist."  I am 20 years old.  On January 26, 2010, same day your blog was posted I had a notion to go into a clinic here where I live in Orlando Florida, and got tested.  I was tested with the 20 mins, rapit fingerprick test.  Not only three minutes after I sat in the waiting room a doctor walked out and called me back, and told me I was 'reactive,positive'  blood work was taken and on February 3rd went back and doctor told me I was positive, wanted to email you because, your blog really has sunk deep with me, since I have been doing meth for about a year now, off and on, not regularly.  For the past 2 months I have been feeling th urge to smoke it almost everyday now, and I was curious, what advice you have to me as far as, is it something I tell parents about, or do I go join an N.A class as you said you did?  Would really appreciate to hear back from you.  Hope you have a good week.

 Michael.

About two days later Robert got back to me saying;

Michael ,

Thank you for your email and comments about my blog. I was diagnosed about the same age as you. It is a process man and you will get through it. It took me 5 yrs to get to the place I am today. I advise you to stay connected with others who are HIV+. It is important to know your not alone. I told my mother I was Using and HIV+ because I couldn't stop. I know my mother was afraid that I was using meth and cocaine but was glad I realized I needed help. That is the first step - Admitting you have a problem. Most of the time our friends and family support us and often shock us with the amount of love they offer.But it all starts with you. You must admit you have a problem with the meth. I went to NA meetings because I wanted to stop and had no where to turn. If I were you I would start attending meetings. You can tell you parents about the Meth and not the HIV if that make you more comfortable. Remember move at your own pace but don't stop on the track. You'll get hit by the train. I would advise you to join my network at www.poziam.com and reach out. There is a POZ-Sober & Clean group on POZIAM for this type of support.

Getting it off your chest and saying "I have a drug problem or I have HIV" is tough but when it is all said and done... You will feel 100 times better.

Please don't hesitate to email me with more questions. Best to you on this journey

Robert Breining

HIV/AIDS Cyber-Activist,Blogger & Social Network Guru 

www.poziam.com

We are of the belief that friendship is born the moment when one person says to another "What? You too? I thought I was the only one!"

Connect with me on the following social networks

          Today, June 8, 2012, I am happy to say, I am still in contact with Robert, and just finished a really wonderful Skype chat with him.  For months, we had exchanged messages via facebook, and we have texted here and there but haven't ever really chatted, but I never really knew if I'd see the man who truthfully changed my life forever.  For granted we all have those moments when we are diagnosed where we research other peoples stories, but how often do you come actually read someones blog and have it impact you and stick for years?  Not many if you ask me.  

          I won't give away too much of the rest of my story, considering if you go back in my blog its all right there, but Robert reached out to me a couple weeks ago and asked if I wanted to come share my story on his radio show POZIAM,  and I said, "No way! I'd love to!"  He asked me what I wanted to talk about, and I said, well me of course, and my story.  Theres a reason everyone comes into each others lives, whether we choose to recognize that for good or bad, the important part is taking the good out of each and every situation.  A couple weeks ago I had no clue what I was going to say, in fact, I almost backed out until recently.  I was in a great relationship, and thought I met the love of my life, and things unfortunately didn't work out, and I kept coming back to one solid thing, whats held me together, first and foremost my faith in God, and second my parents and family and friends.  

   I wanted to pull myself away from the equation, and just not sure, express my thoughts I guess?  For over a year now I have wanted to get actively involved in HIV advocacy work, did I know how, or where to go, or who to talk to?  Absolutely freaking not!  But I am blessed to say, we all come back into each others lives for a reason one way or another, and I think I take a lot of this to my head, not the radio thing, but the blessed life I've been given, and the blessings of friendship and family.  I read on a daily basis stories of many of you about how you came from broken homes, or your mother or father died when you were young.  For granted I am adopted and Mark & Lori Lloyd, you both have always been my family, but when it comes down to it, I have nothing to complain about, and I think the past two years of fighting, and the terror of meth addiction, has all brought to this point where I have been given such an amazing opportunity to reach out, and tell the world, tell my friends, tell my family, and express to Robert what I've gone through, and how that simple blog he shared, and him reaching back out to me, was the first glimmer of hope for me, that said, "Michael.... your going to beat this, and it won't be easy, but there are people who care".  So I do thank all of you who have supported me over the past couple years, and I am proud to say everything is finally beginning to come together for me.  

Robert, thank you for replying back to me on February 25, 2010.  I was a lost little boy, stuck in a  world of meth, and newly diagnosed and didn't know where to go, and I thank you for being that shining puzzle piece in the pile of thousands of pieces, that still today has been a shining glimmer of hope for me to keep fighting.  

For all of you who are interested in hearing my wonderful interview with Robert Breining himself , you can click the link below, and listen in LIVE, this Sunday at 9pm, and infact call in and ask me questions.  

                      Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd - POZIAM RADIO