Thursday, November 29, 2012

the missing link - giving thanks.

      WORLD AIDS DAY.. has always been a day to remember those whose lives were lost to HIV/or AIDS, which distinguishably seems to be a error in society recognizing.  Other than a few simple numbers that define the two their is a difference.  However the only way I believe we can finish this puzzle that everyone seems to be reposting the imagery for is, by thanking, every single one of the people who have helped us along the way.

      Were so quick so quick to sit here and complain, including myself about the things that are so small, compared to the big picture.  Yes, our medication has a 48 hour half life, which means we can go a day at the most with missing a whole dose, and it won't really hurt anything... But what are we forgetting, is this whole FIGHT, really a fight, or is about wanting something that we already have...

    There has been so many people who have died for me to be here today.  Hundreds have gone through research programs, to ensure that you whoever you are, out there reading this in a small city in Boise, can wake up tomorrow and have your TRUVADA, or Complera - Lets be honest, how many of us actually... think, WOW - they did that for me, for us, for our family, friends, children, parents.  I don't think even sitting here, looking in my drawer of medication I've really care enough to be grateful.

      You know theres that saying we all use ' Family is everything...' but, when it comes down to it, like any family, whether your together for 50 years, or a short few weeks,  we take it for granted.   When you tell someone your HIV status, or HEP status, or STD status, I sit here with chills, because for generations we've been so scared, 'What will they think?, Will he judge me, Will she want to sleep with me?'  And for YEARS... both in the homosexual community and the heterosexual community been assaulted, been slandered, been ridiculed for our status, or sexual preference, or even broad spectrum skin color... but thankfully, just as I experience the other day, and it lights up my face with the biggest smile, you tell someone, 'Hey, how do you feel about my status.." and they say; What about it? And what gets better and whoever ever you are reading this, has experienced that feeling when someone says, I embrace you are, and I want you to stay around a long time.  That feeling, is....immeasurably, BEAUTIFUL.. and I feel like when someone, anyone, embraces your HIV status, to me, I just feel the love of God, and cant...even begin to thank him for my blessings...

     We are fighting each and everyday, but, what are we fighting for anyway... This whole thing to draw people together and force our friends, to get tested, and to shove in someones face the grim, rash reality that there going to prison for their entire life, is necessary, and don't get me wrong, I believe its what needs to be taught to prevent people from spreading HIV... but... come on, its 2012..  I was just at dinner the other night with a friend of mine and my parents and we were all discussing something and within, seconds the iPhones and Androids were out researching what we didn't know.  If someone unfortunately chooses not to be receptive towards or challenge to promote a healthier quality of life ... we can't get mad at them.  YES, if your going to be intimate with someone else, wear a condom, if your going to do IV drugs, use a clean needle, be smart about it, I sure wasn't and thats why I am here today with the issues I have.

What about... this - I Michael Lloyd, strongly, stand behind this final puzzle piece of giving thanks, we don't appreciate our friends enough, or our neighbors, or the woman who sits at the front desk of the local doctors office, or the government health department office doing ADAP...  I can honestly say, we take them for granted and don't thank them.  They love us, you out there, MOM & DAD, I love you so much.  Without our parents, or friends, we wouldn't be here, because were fighting so damn hard for people who aren't ever going to care, and thats unfortunate, but you can't lead a horse to water and force it to drink, but you can, thank those who do care, thank the ones who have made our lives easier possible.  I THANK YOU, to everyone of you who have been in my life and have helped me get to where I am today, and have embraced me for who I am, and I thats NOT my HIV STATUS.