Tuesday, July 17, 2012


       What is it about taking that next step, that were always so afraid of?  For year's I've been hesitant, and pushed out the idea of living my life to the fullest.  Always so quick to have an opinion, yet all the while, behind closed doors, I was shooting up, and doing risky sexual behavior, while neglecting those who loved me so much.  To answer that phone of a loved one and know in their voice, they were unsure if they'd ever talk to you again, was a tone of which was ignored for years - yet was blown off time after time, due to the selfish craving and desire of addiction.  The uncertainty of the unknown is such a complex realm, or if your need it in simpler terms,  a very grey area.  However it doesn't have to be grey, or complex.

   No dream is too big, nor too high to reach, each goal is beyond priceless, and unique to its beholder.  Not to sound too philosophical, but ultimately, as I talked about in my last blog, HIVHAVEN.COM - What do you Want Out Of Life? we all have that choice, that decision that only we can make, regardless of the negativity the outside world wants to stir up to interfere that choice, YOU have the power to follow through, and do anything you want to do.

    Not only have the past few months been remarkable, but they've flown by faster than a bullet leaving the barrel of a gun, as I talked about just after my break up in May It's all a Blur .  Everyone constantly talks about that closure, or going back with the eraser to clean up outside the lines of a drawing, but when you think about it, why would one, after coming so far, want to go back to their past, for granted we all go through, and yes I'm going to use my phrase, "crap", but why go backwards?

  The time between my trip to New York City with my best friend Kurt Wagner has been filled with so many precious opportunities, that I believe God put into my life for a reason, and if it wasn't for making that crucial decision in the sour relationship I had, most likely I'd still be falling into a pit.  And when I sit here this morning at 1:45, with suitcases on my bed, and clothes rumbling in the drier in preparation for my flight to Washington D.C. at 11:38 today for the International AIDS Conference, I sit and have chills, knowing, making that phone call, is the most precious thing anyone can do, but furthermore beyond that, opening your, heart and mind to the chance to make a risk, and accepting the possibility of failure but realizing one grows the most during times of uncertainty, hearing that voice on the other end of the phone ' I am so proud of you," is the most precious gift in the entire world.  STAND UP, BE BRAVE, AND MAKE THAT FIRST STEP.

Thank you all so much for the support, and prayers.

If your interested in supporting me for conference,  your welcome to Email Michael here and find out what ways you can help me on my trip.

LOve you all.


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