what do you have to lose?

had a weird dream last night, where my job went from a recent stripping job I quit about 3 weeks back, and  an underwear model.  I know, two highly self respecting choices right? Well, in the dream I chose to be a stripper over an underwear model.  and going back to my post from yesterday one could probably come back and comment saying; ' didn't you just finish talking about respecting yourself, and how the hell is being a stripper in compliance with that?'  Yes, and No.

How could I come up with that as a self respecting choice, well, it all comes down to your personal opinion on, 'does anyone else's opinion of me matter, or am I my own person?'  For myself, I've learnt over the months, that at the end of the day, and if its one thing you take from reading this, I hope this be it, because this will carry into every blog I post for eternity; 'If I had to live my life according to societies expectations, Mom and Dad's vision for me, what Jacque or Esmerelda thought of me and my choices, would I be living their life or mine?'  pretty self explanatory.  However if its not, I'll try it again; ' If I wanted to become an underwear model, as what happened in my dream, and instead despite what society views being a stripper as or what my parents would have thought, if its what I wanted to to, they, what do I have to lose in doing what I want to do, right?'

All of this ofcourse does have some reasoning behind it,  if you say, well if I want to live the life of a crackhead for the week, and not take care of myself, is that doing what you want out of spite? or is it actually an honorable award you could tack on your particle board at the end of the day?  Thats an easy give away.  

Going back to my dream, I said, fuck it, I'm going to be a stripper, and honor myself in that profession because quite frankly, if I lived my life according to what you thought of me, or what your opinion of my choice is, then, I'm just a sheep.  And your opinion or direction you tell me to live my life in, is the sheep in front of me who just fell off the cliff that I'm about to join.  Some may call me pretencious, but think about it tonight after dinner, go for a walk, and ask yourself, do I go to work everyday, or put on my tie die shirt because I have to please my neighbor, or are you making choices based on your own beliefs that are going to make you happy.

If there's a job offer you want to take, and your worried about losing friends, or what someone will think of you, then,  why even bother looking for the job?  At the end of the day friends are friends and will be there through thick and thin, even if you move to another continent.  One evening I broke down and cried over how crappy I treat my family. and how ungrateful I am, well, his words were, take the risk,  not taking a risk is taking the risk in that your never going to be happy.

have a fabulous day!