"Test of Character - Challenge of Faith"

           Been doing tons of research lately.  Back in 2008, I dated someone around the time that I was doing construction work.  Which for those of you who didn't know, I did seal-coating for commercial parking lots - mainly consisting of manually moving concrete parking stops, spraying the protective seal and then striping the new lines in place, followed by manually hammering the metal iron stakes into the ground to secure the parking stops.   I'm sure your sitting this morning wondering how this has anything to do with dangerous dog breeds.

      My partner at the time, which for those who are curious the of the genealogy of events in my life in 2008 - I graduated from Timber Creek High School end of May, early June.   That fall, through my best friend I met this amazing sweet guy.  His family was from New Jersey.  At the time his father owned his own construction company, Universal Sealcoating and Concrete.  Over time, I moved in with him and lived at his parents house. One morning I said to his father, " Can I come out some day and check out the job?" He said HELL, I doubt you could handle it, but sure be up at 5.

   That next morning, I can recall waking up at the crack of dawn.  Every morning he would be sitting at the kitchen table smoking a cigarette and his wife, who came to be a second Mom to me was making, as always the most amazing breakfast.  I'll never forget the first job I went on was just off Lee Road, near I-4 in Winter Park.  The location was fairly nice, the apartment complex in fact was on a beautiful lake, and the overall tenants were nice people.  I remember getting out of the truck that morning, Chris and I had a cigarette.  His father lit one up while I helped them unload the gear.  Which for those who are unsure of the 'gear' of construction - the basics, cones, buckets, moving dollies.  Once we finished unloading the trailer, the sun was beginning to peak over the lake and shine through the parking lot.   One thing to remember just like in any, fixer upper job you do, is clean your work space.

  This particular location was surrounded by pine trees.  None the less like many of you know, they are a pain in the bum.  Growing up, the first home I lived in was off Valencia College Lane and Goldenrod.  When we first moved in there was numerous pines in the rear of the rather large yard we had.  Go figure, they got EVERYWHERE.  When we moved at the end of 99' we vowed to never have a yard with pines again.  So, go figure this parking lot on the first day of my construction job was covered in those beautiful little pine needles.  After sweeping off the surface, asking tenants to move their vehicles, Chris and I would, by hand - either with a dolly or with our bear hands, pick up the concrete parking stops and move them off onto the grass.   Following that, once the rig was all fired up - for those of you who aren't entirely sure what that means, its simply a giant, almost kettle/pot like tank with the asphalt that heats to a certain temperature.

  That first day, we watched Chris' father start spraying down the coating across the parking lot.  It allowed nearly a whole afternoon to dry.  Once this dried we brought back the parking stops and hammered them into place.  These weren't any simple stakes.  When you build a home, or have ever drove past a commercial construction site, you'll notice the very first thing they do is drive down rod iron steaks into the cement to hold the bricks in place for the exterior wall.  By the end of the day, let me tell you - I was over it.   Fast forward several months, it was extremely cold.  Some mornings waking up, it was at least in the upper 30s.  Growing up, I loved the cold - not only because of the nicer clothing selections but for the mere factor that you can always bundle up, but in the heat you can only go so far before your bare naked to cool off.    Towards the end of my time working for him, I began to get sluggish, I had made mistakes, and his father yelled at me and really beat me into the dirt.  I've held on to a lot of resentment because, that was really my first actual job - manual labor, other than lawn mowing of course...and stocking shelves at high end fashion boutiques.

Looking back, that whole issue with being told what to do - which not many of us like in general, really effected me.   Sometimes I like to play the victim role and think I have it worse than someone else.  Yet just as much, equally we all in our own way perceive things at different levels.  We mature at different rates, etc.  While I may hold a good face, smile, and say life is all dandy and full of sunflowers...its not.

    That next year, 2009 in June - I began to begin my downward promiscuous lifestyle, and started using crystal meth more often.  People always ask...why did you do it - you had the perfect upbringing, you were adopted from a country ruled in communism, you got everything you ever wanted.  My brother and I were always fortunate enough to attend Christian or Private education institutions.   Where did the missing link fall?  Does it matter?  Perhaps the issue that I've always held on to in my back pocket was the resentment towards my birth mother, who gave me up adoption.  Don't get me wrong, Mom & Dad today are my parents.  However theres always been that feeling of, "I'm not good enough,"  While in construction, I slightly experienced a reminiscence of that again.  Someone who never had experience doing something, I lacked in areas that others excelled in.

Coming back to this whole 'Test of Character - Challenge of Faith' topic.  All of the things that have happened in my life, until this point have very much been a challenge against my faith, yet also a decision to trust, and have faith that these negative things weren't meant to happen, but only to make me grow and build character.  Through the whole HIV, Hepatitis C and drug life...so many things happened, obviously self inflicted.  On the other side, now 10 and a half months sober....I can't help but say to myself that character is built through allowing God to work in your life and guide you to the place he wants you to be in, these choices we make as a result of trusting in Him mold us into who we are...

Defense of Marriage Act - Unconstitutional

In accordance to today's decision from our Supreme Court.  I went to God in prayer; while flipping on FOX news...initial reaction was to convey a negative attitude. 

 However, in Romans 13 we are reminded to submit yourselves to the authorities that God has placed in power.  Vs 5 "Therefore, it is necessary to submit to authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience."  Later in the passage I was reminded to give respect to those whom deserve respect.   Romans 12:14 "Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse."  This stands out to me because one can't ignore the parallel between not holding grudges...

While we fight in this journey; mind you that God has already won.  We find ourselves in dispair and our hearts may ache for those who don't know him...but I myself even, in Romans 2:1 "You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things."  

We are CONSTANTLY reminded; consciously or not, that judgement is within itself a wretched sin.  I find myself praying asking God for strength to...in despite my bitterness bless those who do not know as I, in my imperfections can not judge another for their choices.  While Peter and John were being persecuted amongst the Sadducees while spreading the GOOD NEWS after Jesus rose from the dead.  They said in Acts 4:19 ""Judge for yourselves whether it is right in Gods sight to obey you rather than God."  

If that doesn't hit home, not entirely sure what else will.  Can you imagine standing in front of authority, challenging the law with what the Holy Spirit has filled your heart with?  This gives me chills !!!  Constantly, I am asked how through the years after "proclaiming" my same-sex attraction and the obstacles I have faced (diagnosed with HIV in January of 2010 and merely a few months later in October after immersing myself in what seemed like an endless bag of syringes, the diagnosis of Hepatitis C, how I can still praise God.  How can I still thank God?  

During the last seven months,  with the free will, that the Lord has given me, I chose to turn to God, and thank him for sending his Son.  There are so many things...that we question in Him.  Perhaps we are ungrateful for the job we have...or for others it may be for the job you don't have.  In my case, its always been wondering what my life would've been like if I wasn't adopted...or I question what my life would've been like if I didn't have HIV and I was heterosexual.   My therapist left me with this scripture found in Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  One we decide to embrace what we have...and seek God...we are able to understand why the things around us occur.  

Perhaps...this may be the ending point because the Lord has shown me...in this time of grieving and conviction, that there is hope for the weary and that this was in His plan so we can minister the Gospel to others.  

I leave you with this question.... in Matthew 6:33, we are reminded of the constant questions we ask ourselves of what we don't have, or we wonder what life would be like instead...perhaps the real question may be... "What does a life through Christ feel like?"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRIAN

Everyone has this weird speculation, or ideal on what a friend really is.  You know, I believe we take advantage of our friends so often, and not even in a monetary sense, but just the fact that, many of us sit around in a room, or at a part, and we are all on twitter, facebook, grindr, or WHATEVER your choice is... and the people around us spend time to be with us.  I can remember back specifically to a trip, Brian and I took with our friend Bill, who recently passed away to St. Augustine.  Below is the photo I have from the two of us.  Brian has been one of my best, most supportive friends; whether you believe it or not, YOU ARE :)

Thank you, for being everyone, and more than any friend could ask for.  The past couple weeks have been difficult, although I am super proud of you for making a 360 from where you were back when we first met. Your doing awesome.  Keep it up, and have a very 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

the missing link - giving thanks.

      WORLD AIDS DAY.. has always been a day to remember those whose lives were lost to HIV/or AIDS, which distinguishably seems to be a error in society recognizing.  Other than a few simple numbers that define the two their is a difference.  However the only way I believe we can finish this puzzle that everyone seems to be reposting the imagery for is, by thanking, every single one of the people who have helped us along the way.

      Were so quick so quick to sit here and complain, including myself about the things that are so small, compared to the big picture.  Yes, our medication has a 48 hour half life, which means we can go a day at the most with missing a whole dose, and it won't really hurt anything... But what are we forgetting, is this whole FIGHT, really a fight, or is about wanting something that we already have...

    There has been so many people who have died for me to be here today.  Hundreds have gone through research programs, to ensure that you whoever you are, out there reading this in a small city in Boise, can wake up tomorrow and have your TRUVADA, or Complera - Lets be honest, how many of us actually... think, WOW - they did that for me, for us, for our family, friends, children, parents.  I don't think even sitting here, looking in my drawer of medication I've really care enough to be grateful.

      You know theres that saying we all use ' Family is everything...' but, when it comes down to it, like any family, whether your together for 50 years, or a short few weeks,  we take it for granted.   When you tell someone your HIV status, or HEP status, or STD status, I sit here with chills, because for generations we've been so scared, 'What will they think?, Will he judge me, Will she want to sleep with me?'  And for YEARS... both in the homosexual community and the heterosexual community been assaulted, been slandered, been ridiculed for our status, or sexual preference, or even broad spectrum skin color... but thankfully, just as I experience the other day, and it lights up my face with the biggest smile, you tell someone, 'Hey, how do you feel about my status.." and they say; What about it? And what gets better and whoever ever you are reading this, has experienced that feeling when someone says, I embrace you are, and I want you to stay around a long time.  That feeling, is....immeasurably, BEAUTIFUL.. and I feel like when someone, anyone, embraces your HIV status, to me, I just feel the love of God, and cant...even begin to thank him for my blessings...

     We are fighting each and everyday, but, what are we fighting for anyway... This whole thing to draw people together and force our friends, to get tested, and to shove in someones face the grim, rash reality that there going to prison for their entire life, is necessary, and don't get me wrong, I believe its what needs to be taught to prevent people from spreading HIV... but... come on, its 2012..  I was just at dinner the other night with a friend of mine and my parents and we were all discussing something and within, seconds the iPhones and Androids were out researching what we didn't know.  If someone unfortunately chooses not to be receptive towards or challenge to promote a healthier quality of life ... we can't get mad at them.  YES, if your going to be intimate with someone else, wear a condom, if your going to do IV drugs, use a clean needle, be smart about it, I sure wasn't and thats why I am here today with the issues I have.

What about... this - I Michael Lloyd, strongly, stand behind this final puzzle piece of giving thanks, we don't appreciate our friends enough, or our neighbors, or the woman who sits at the front desk of the local doctors office, or the government health department office doing ADAP...  I can honestly say, we take them for granted and don't thank them.  They love us, you out there, MOM & DAD, I love you so much.  Without our parents, or friends, we wouldn't be here, because were fighting so damn hard for people who aren't ever going to care, and thats unfortunate, but you can't lead a horse to water and force it to drink, but you can, thank those who do care, thank the ones who have made our lives easier possible.  I THANK YOU, to everyone of you who have been in my life and have helped me get to where I am today, and have embraced me for who I am, and I thats NOT my HIV STATUS.

Hi, I vote for equal rights, but your WRONG for having your own opinion.

What is it about the election that gets us all so fired up? Republican / Democrat, perhaps even independent, or I don't give a f#%@!! We all have our catch phrase many of which I will not say due to the mere factor that over the course of this election campaign and throughout the debates I have said my fair share of strong, factually supported realistic poin of views.

Now quickly if I may for those who may have been offender by my statements or comments regarding Obama's incompetency, and you don't like my lack of patriotism. Too bad!!! I've had to look at your political crap bashing a man who HAS EXPERIENCE with the only thing this country is based on, MONEY! Alright! Ill stop, I think we can all gather who I'm leaning towards, but lets get down to business here.


I want it known that maybe just because Your son or daughter or your doctor chooses to have a different opinion on politics doesn't make them a horrible person. Don't get me wrong after my endless rants bashing the world and the president I will continue to stand by my core values and beliefs and not let someone have enough power over me to offend me. All my rude comments are an opinion, were all created equal! What I chose to do in the bedroom, has been made public knowledge if you don't know my sexuality then that's really none of your business and if its of interest to you chances are you can find out who I like to roll around with in the sheets in 15 seconds. But is any of that REALLY the way we want to define ourself and show our children how we choose to define others? Not based on sexuality, but on judging someone and casting shame against them for voting for a different Political candidate that opposes their marriage opportunities? The beauty about this whole world we live in, is that without being able to put food on the table , or without a better economy, the small factorization of gay marriage has NO FACTOR in anything.

Lets go back to the beginning and after all I've got a major headache and the coffee pot just went off.... Many of you are voting for Obama, who SUPPORTS the end of hate, bullying, segregation, sexuality discrimination, don't you think as this election falls just over a weeks time away that we all show a little more love for one another and show our TRUE COLORS, rather than exhibit hate? I may be one washer up, gay, Christian, republican but one thing is for sure I can justify down and dot all my I's and cross all my T's, but one thing I won't do is bash someone just because everyone else is doing it and step back and say I support anti-bullying and hate.


Food forthought......


Happy Friday

Brave

       What is it about taking that next step, that were always so afraid of?  For year's I've been hesitant, and pushed out the idea of living my life to the fullest.  Always so quick to have an opinion, yet all the while, behind closed doors, I was shooting up, and doing risky sexual behavior, while neglecting those who loved me so much.  To answer that phone of a loved one and know in their voice, they were unsure if they'd ever talk to you again, was a tone of which was ignored for years - yet was blown off time after time, due to the selfish craving and desire of addiction.  The uncertainty of the unknown is such a complex realm, or if your need it in simpler terms,  a very grey area.  However it doesn't have to be grey, or complex.

   No dream is too big, nor too high to reach, each goal is beyond priceless, and unique to its beholder.  Not to sound too philosophical, but ultimately, as I talked about in my last blog, HIVHAVEN.COM - What do you Want Out Of Life? we all have that choice, that decision that only we can make, regardless of the negativity the outside world wants to stir up to interfere that choice, YOU have the power to follow through, and do anything you want to do.

    Not only have the past few months been remarkable, but they've flown by faster than a bullet leaving the barrel of a gun, as I talked about just after my break up in May It's all a Blur .  Everyone constantly talks about that closure, or going back with the eraser to clean up outside the lines of a drawing, but when you think about it, why would one, after coming so far, want to go back to their past, for granted we all go through, and yes I'm going to use my phrase, "crap", but why go backwards?

  The time between my trip to New York City with my best friend Kurt Wagner has been filled with so many precious opportunities, that I believe God put into my life for a reason, and if it wasn't for making that crucial decision in the sour relationship I had, most likely I'd still be falling into a pit.  And when I sit here this morning at 1:45, with suitcases on my bed, and clothes rumbling in the drier in preparation for my flight to Washington D.C. at 11:38 today for the International AIDS Conference, I sit and have chills, knowing, making that phone call, is the most precious thing anyone can do, but furthermore beyond that, opening your, heart and mind to the chance to make a risk, and accepting the possibility of failure but realizing one grows the most during times of uncertainty, hearing that voice on the other end of the phone ' I am so proud of you," is the most precious gift in the entire world.  STAND UP, BE BRAVE, AND MAKE THAT FIRST STEP.


Thank you all so much for the support, and prayers.

If your interested in supporting me for conference,  your welcome to Email Michael here and find out what ways you can help me on my trip.

LOve you all.

michael

what do you want out of life

     Over the past few years its seldom you'll hear me sit and say I have any regrets, mainly because if it wasn't for all the circumstances of which I puit myself in, and was put into on behalf of someone else, I wouldn't be here today.  Come to learn, and many people have this misconception, that were all in this together, for granted, if you have HIV, maybe thats your opinion, however ultimately, that comes down  to the mere ideology, what do you want out of life?

With the culmination of my methamphetamine addiction ending in, watching my fathers in tears in his lazy boy recliner and sitting in the backseat of a police car, going down the 408 ( East West Expressway - in Orlando, FL) at 3 am, in handcuffs.  That was an experience that I refuse to ever put myself into ever again.  Who know, back in 2008 when someone said, hey do you want to try a little bit of this, I would've said, 'yeah sure, why not?' Looking back, I was a freaking idiot.  Your probably wondering, how is it that someone so young, as I am 22 years old, could come to terms with the mere reality of the situation, and my addiction? It wasn't that difficult, I have been blogging now for a little over a year, and many people ask me, what inspired you to put your foot down and announce to the world, 'Hey! I am addicted to Meth!?" First and anyone who know's me directly can contest to the simple factor of, you have to be able to wake up and face yourself in the mirror everyday, and approve of what you see, otherwise nobody else will.  I've held on to that same reasoning for my self respect for years.  I constantly remind people, your human, we make mistakes, but, don't be merely mistaken by that and use it, as many do, for a crutch as to how you can get away with making bad decisions. 

 For a few months, I was living away from home with friends, rather a gay couple I met online, just after I was diagnosed with HIV back in January 2010.   If you were around in my life at that point you'll most likely remember me being beyond skinny, my eyes were always black, and I hardly ever left where I was, not to mention being on Adam4adam, for day's at a time, sometimes even 8 days upwards.  Needless to say, I'm sure I can come to terms with the fact that I wasn't in a good place what so ever in my life at that point.   

It was an odd situation, my brother graduated high school in June of 2010, I was still living downtown with this couple, and had been seeing someone, of which the relationship was solely based off of, smoking out of the glass pipe on the weekends, which previously for me, turned into shooting up. I remember refraining from drugs of any kind, that week prior, and I had the opportunity to get high just before Daniel's graduation, and I praise God for having angels protect over me, and lead me on the right path.  I specifically remember sitting at the old TD Waterhouse Center in Orlando, before they blew it up.  I was sitting my seat with my family and when they called his name amongst thousands, to walk across the stage I was filled with tears, "WOW!! My baby brother is graduating from high school!!!"  Insane, emotional moment, and was so happy to have been clean.  Over the next couple years I bounced back and forth between sobriety, and living under the influence of a controlled substance and refused to do anything about it.  

Negativity has always been something that, I've always, until recently identified or let bring me down, until I realized, and the common saying; ' nobody can make you inferior without your consent' goes to show in every situation, with another person.  Who's to say that anyone, regardless of who they are, or what purpose they serve in your life, is allowed to have any control over how you choose to feel about yourself.  Thats always been a battle with me.  Back in 2009 I was sexually abused by another man.  He was 27 at the time and I was about 19 I guess. For the past couple years, I chose to block that stage out of my life, and totally forget about it.  The mere shame or embarrassment that I put over myself like a child puts their head under the sheet at night when they cry themselves to sleep, is merely the same thing I was doing.  I finally came to terms with the rape last Monday, for a matter of fact.  It wasn't an easy thing, and with being in online talk radio, and beginning in HIV activism, I found it my role and responsibility on behalf of anyone else who was sexually abused, to come clean and go on the record on my show and talk about it.  Merely for that sense of relief within myself, but also, I stayed quiet for several years because I was afraid, I didn't have anyone to look up to , merely because nobody else had spoken out about being sexually abused within the gay community.  The disappointing thing is, people do talk about it, but wait and write books 30 years later.  Thinking back, with all the different crazy circumstances one creates for themselves based on holding grudges or harboring mixed feelings, your only making it harder on yourself.  With that said, I have been swamped with messages regarding the incident and my radio show last Wednesday, Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd Dirty Laundry on Blog Talk Radio at 6:30 pm, asking me, how has this affected this around you.  My response has been, HOW HAS IT NOT?!!? Your friends and family may always act confused, or innocent in a situation but they know you the best and when something isn't right or not normal they know somethings going on, and merely ties directly back in to the single question you ask yourself every morning when you face yourself in the mirror; ' What do you Want Out of Life"  

I recently have been so blessed to land a job, and do my personal training work, as well as, moving forward, because ultimately if you choose to not move forward and dwell on what isn't than your never going to be able to embrace the future for what it could be.  

follow my other blog on: http://dailylifeofamethaddict.blogspot.com/2012/07/what-do-you-want-out-of-life.html

facebook: www.facebook.com/mikeslloyd

Straight to the Point Radio : http://www.blogtalkradio.com/straight-to-the-point

Ttwitter: https://twitter.com/mikeslloyd

Campaign for IAC

          My name is Michael Lloyd, I am a 22 year old living in Orlando, FL with HIV,  I have been positive for two years and currently have come to terms with the choices I have made in my past.  I find it very important, to help bring funding to local organizations to help those who need medication and testing, etc, however I am expanding on my role as an activist and speaking out on behalf of personal stories of which I have overcome, and have tremendously effected my life.  In efforts to make a difference I began blogging a year ago ( givinghopeonedayatatime.blogspot.com ) and have been interview on a couple online radio show's about my struggles with addiction and accepting myself after my diagnosis.  I recently started my own online radio podcast, on BlogTalk Radio, of which is entitled; Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd, on both Wednesday and Friday evenings at 6:30pm.  Some of the issues discussed are homosexual references, as well as heterosexual issues primarily pertaining to health, fitness, HIV, sex, and other social issues.  I recently came to terms and went on the record on my show last night about being sexually abused back in 2009.  I believe its important for young people like myself, to come to terms with being raped.  The stigma behind being raped needs to be released, as for myself confronting the person who raped me, opened up a great deal of opportunity to mentor to other people. 

                                              (Michael's volunteer schedule for IAC)

          It has been a recent decision to go to Washington D.C, for the international AIDS Conference next week.  I have been corresponding with the team, and have 

been given the opportunity to volunteer for the conference, of which I will be doing 'Badge Check', and have also been offered from the AIDS Quilt, to volunteer with the unfolding, and folding of the Quilt during the ceremonies.  I am looking  I am looking forward to attending the conference in hopes to further educate myself on  treatment options, and  ways to bring more awareness to the Orlando area close together, with releasing the stigma of HIV, and relaying the message thats its OK, to  have HIV, and you can still  function, and be healthy and happy, without limitations.  My main goal is to bring back a sense of knowledge to make more of an emphasis  that HIV needs to stop, there is too much damn money spent, on funding for programs, the budget plan for next year for HIV/AIDS 2013 FY report has designated 3% of  the 70 billion dollar plan towards prevention.  Thats beyond unacceptable! Why don't we stop it.  I promise, that I will go to my grave, working as hard as I can, and  speaking out, and making people feel more comfortable as human beings, who aren't perfect and who do make mistakes of which can have more productive lives.   Everyone does have the responsibility of speaking out on behalf of those who have died of AIDS, and of those who do have HIV, need to rise up and take responsibility  for your actions , and  if you were raped like myself and perhaps thats how I got HIV, I don't know, we need to, on behalf of others, make sure this doesn't keep  happening. I ask you to support me, I have raised $100 so far, towards my goal of around $800-900 to go to Washington by next Wednesday.  Please, consider, don't  donate because Michael is asking, donate on behalf of your community, and the future well being of the United States of America. 


Below is the information:


https://fundly.com/michaelsandorlloyd


mikelloyd1989@gmail.com


4077124500

the michael lloyd diet.

Many of you are constantly asking me , what do you eat, how do I maintain well rounded nutrition, and fitness in my every day life, more importantly all of you keep asking me, what do you do for your abs - truth is, NOTHING, I just eat right.

For those of you who do try and sip on a coke, or crinkle down the wrapper on a Reeses Peanut Butter cup chocolate for a quick snack, calories aside THROW THEM AWAY.  I see so many people, who workout at the gym, they maintain correct form in their workouts, they sleep the right amount at night, and they steer clear from drugs and excessive alcohol, but they get off that treadmill, run to the locker room, and they eat a protein bar or have a soda, "yeah I'm even talking to you, the man sitting there reading this with a diet coke in your hand."  I'll get to the protein bar thing later, but read the 'fine print' and do your research - even though the sugar may be low, check out the meaning, and the process in which "alcohol sugar" is broken down.

 Every morning, I start my day, typically between 4:30 and 5:30am, why so early? The question should be; Why not?  Theres 'X' amount of hours in the day when the sun is up, go ahead sometime this week into next, go to sleep a half hour earlier, set your alarm earlier, and get up with a clear mind, and start your day.  Once I've gotten dressed, I head straight to the kitchen, grab the carton of eggs, crack 3 on the side of a bowl and whisk them up, after heating a dime size amount of olive oil in a ceramic non-stick pan I'm ready to fry the eggs, just before I flip the eggs over

I rinse, and toss in FRESH baby spinach leaves, and crumble feta cheese.  

Me any people try and use a lot of sodium and pepper in their eggs, however what works for me, may not be the best for you, and I'm not licensed in the area of nutrition however I have done my fair share of research, and - ITS WORKING!  BUT on the salt factor a lot of foods have natural forms of sodium, so don't over do it.

The next step in my breakfast process, while the eggs are finishing on their last side, I pull out the Vita-mix (the high grade blenders they use in smoothie shops like planet smoothie) and throw in some blueberries, banana, greek yogurt, and almond milk.

 Sometimes for fiber I try and a up chia seeds ( don't mistake this for the ones you grew as a child in that tacky ceramic setting ) these must be soaked for at least 30 mins - preferably in a soy/almond milk, therefore allowing the enzymes to break down making it easier for your body to digest.  Most times I'll use Kale if I'm using spinach in my eggs, however you can add anything to your smoothie.  Throw the variable speed to 10, switch the blade to HIGH, run to my bedroom, grab my HIV meds, and my 5 vitamins I take in the morning consisting of (2 multi-vitamins, b12, b6, biotin, vitamin C, D and E) and BAM 7 mins, your done!


- SIDE NOTE- avoid drinking during the eating process, its makes it easier on your stomach to properly digest without the mixture of liquids while you eat.

By now your probably saying, HOW THE HELL can I do all these things, well variations to the morning smoothie would include dishing up  a bowl of greek yogurt, or cottage cheese and adding your fruits to that :)

Once I have everything cleaned up, I'm usually starving again!! however chances are I'm late to the gym, so I try and get in a good 10 mins of cardio, and then an hour and  a half of muscle training.

Right after the gym, I used to come home and make one of those cheap $20 muscle milk shakes, or I'd sit and mash up a rice protein powder into milk, which was utterly gritty and ...BLEHH. If you don't feel like shaking up a bunch of chemicals that you have no idea the names of, or don't feel like putting all that extra crap into your body, in the powder form that is, what has worked for me, is I come home and I make another smoothie, I yank out the vitaminx, throw in a handful of red kale leaves, spinach, beets, ginger root, cucumber, lemons, apples, carrots, flax seed (great for you) in the meantime, Im usually checking the twitter and emails, and figuring out what I need to do for the day, I run into my room, lay down face first on my bed, open up the Macbook Pro and open my blinds, the sun usually hasn't come up yet, and theres deer sitting outside my window eating grass looking in at me.

I'd say, and going back to the challenge of waking up early, you have so much more productive 'NO STRESS" time in the am, nobodies out on the roads at 5 am going to the gym, NOBODY IS AT THE GYM, for granted not everyone has a cushy life style such as mine, but REMEMBER, if you want to do something, you'll make time to do it, after all, your with it right? :)

I wouldn't necessarily recommend it but, I go through about 3 pots of coffee to myself every morning.  If thats not your forte, I'd definitely recommend, which I also do - you can go to Target/Walmart/Walgreens or fill up a gallon jug everyday of still water, and carry it around ALL DAY LONG, and finish it.  *side note - water is best consumed when its room temperature, yeah I know this sucks, cold water is so much more 'refreshing' but trust me!"

I'm sure your wondering, "Michael, what do you eat for a snack, don't you have protein bars!!" hell no! Those have so many bad things in them, for granted there QUICK EASY, and...hey! if your on the go, there simple right?  "READ THE LABEL"  counting carbs and calories doesn't do anything, THROW THE SCALE AWAY, it'll only make you feel worse.  Now for those of you, and you know who you are, who have to have your Coca-Cola, or your Diet-Coke <3 ... DO YOUR BODY A FAVOR.  On a daily basis I see so many people sitting in their cars at stoplights, or as I mentioned earlier they go to the gym with a soda, or energy drink *(of which the caffeine intake on those is so ridiculous, all your asking for is a crash!!)* why put something into your body that gives you a quick fix of sugar? WHYNOT? :) first of all they taste good, but TRUST ME, go 5 days, change your diet, don't drink juice from concentrate, "WELCHES, isn't juice!"  A lot of those cranberry cocktail things with pomegranant aren't bad, however I do 3 parts water to 1 part concentrated juice... you do the math.  :)

Alright BACK ON TRACK!  BY THE WAY, for those who are still following, I wrote this lil diet secret because, first, theres a million and one different opinions, what may work for me, and does work for me, MIGHT NOT work for you. So whatever tips I'm offering are because I feel like the things I've learned everyone should be able to at least try, and improve their quality of life from.

Lunch, I try and stay with a light salad, usually, olive oil dressing (and for those of you who love to feel like your swimming in a land of KY jelly in your salad, you don't need that much dressing!!!  Its impractical. I try and limit myself to mushrooms, peppers, herbs, all of which I grow at home.

If I want to have a snack, I usually get out the food processor at the beginning of the week and throw in a couple tomatos, onion, cilantro, and salt and pepper and BAM! salsa, its light, its easy, and I know where its coming from and whats in it.

Dinner, ranges from, grilled chicken, to pan seared tilapia, with light spices, occasionally have steak, paired with baked red skinned potatoes and peppers in a ceramic dish and baked.  Steamed vegetables are always with every meal for dinner, unless I decide to just blend everything up into a smoothie.

Tips....or food for though :D

- Take it easy on the concentrated juices
- Go easy on the salt
- Stay clear of soda/energy drinks
-No candy bars/protein bars (look for alcohol sugar on label)
-Stay as natural as possible
-You are what you eat

Just because its plant based, or organic, doesn't mean it has to taste bad, so many health shows for food talk about you have to eat plants, and you say to yourself, ' I'm better off just eating it out of the ground' NOT TRUE!  Just ease yourself into it, good nutrition, and eating right, doesn't and won't happen open night, you know your body, acquire a taste for what you already like, and add things in and see what you like.  I guarantee you that you'll feel better, results may not always happen immedietly but eating better, I PROMISE that you'll have a more focused mind, and a better mood, and more NATURAL energy.


twitter: mikeslloyd
blog: givinghopeonedayatatime.blogspot.com
facebook: www.facebook.com/mikeslloyd
email: mikelloyd1989@gmail.com

Michael Lloyd Bio

    

  Michael Lloyd is a 22 year old, male living in Orlando, Florida, he spends most of his time, working out at the gym and eating healthy.  Over the past two and a half years since his HIV diagnosis, he's come to realize a lot of things, one of which, "life isn't guaranteed' and within that, everyone who comes in and out of our lives is a gift" Michael says. Being so young, living with HIV, Michael has come to terms with the virus, and after a rocky road dealing with a methamphetamine addiction, he is striving each and every day in moving forward to a brighter, happier future.   He accredits most of his moral's and values to his faith in God, and you'll always find him thanking his family for their unconditional love and support. Life wasn't meant to be easy, but its up to each and everyone of us to determine which pieces of the puzzle we want to utilize.  

           Through working with personal training, and inspiring others to incorporate better living techniques in their everyday lives, Michael uses this as his anti-drug.  Michael say's ''We are all in this fight to stop the spread of HIV together, nobody is in this for competition, and nobody is any better than anyone else, the beauty of it all is, WE EACH HAVE A VOICE, and we should bless others with the chance to hear our voice.  

    More recently Michael has started an online radio show, entitled, "Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd" on Blogtalkradio at 6:30pm on Friday's,  in hopes to put a twist, and alternate perspective on many social, health, entertainment topics that go on every day.  He has appeared on POZ I AM Radio with Hosts Robert Breining and Jeremy Dunn, and in his later work was a guest on the Paul and Matty Show for World AIDS Day.  He currently working hand in hand with Hope & Help of Central Florida on the Board of Directors for the Head Dress Ball 2012 - Twisted - An Evening Under The Rainbow on the sales committee.  

Michael's interview from POZ I AM Radio - 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/poziam/2012/06/11/straight-to-the-point-with-michael-lloyd

Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd- Week 1, Guest Adam Barta 

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/straight-to-the-point/2012/06/15/straight-to-the-point-w-michael-lloyd--ep-1--pilot

Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd - Week 2, POZ I AM creator: Robert Breining

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/straight-to-the-point/2012/06/22/straight-to-the-point-with-michael-lloyd

Interview with Paul and Matty Show for World AIDS Day in 2011.

http://soundcloud.com/kurtjw/the-paul-and-matty-show-w/s-kSwTc

Michael's Twitter: @mikeslloyd
Straight to the Point Radio Twitter: @PointPozitive

Michael's Facebook: www.facebook.com/mikeslloyd
Straight to the Point Radio Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/StraightToThePointRadio

Michael's Email: mikelloyd1989@gmail.com
Straight to the Point Radio Email: straighttothepointradio@gmail.com

Phone: (407)267-1110

The sun always shines on those who choose to see it

Haven't blogged in a while, been a good week, just sitting here looking outside, waiting for this monsoon to blow over, so I can bike to the gym.  Its been such a great positive week.. can't thank all of you enough for being so supportive on the radio show.  I think I'm finally in a place where I'm 100% confident with everything in my life, and happy with who I am.. there have been a few road blocks in the way that have disabled me from realizing my full potential, however more so recently I was finally able to get some full closure on a couple open doors from the past.  Everyone always say's with relationships why bother looking back, who needs closure, but ultimately, when you get out of a relationship quickly, and don't look back, is it really helping or hurting?  I believe for myself, he was someone I really did care a lot about, but he made sure I was reminded constantly about how much he didn't like my friends, and how much he was insecure with the person he was by trying to change me.  For granted, who in there right mind is going to say; "I love you, and I want to change you?" Nobody! haha.  But I will say, that love makes someone do stupid things, that later on they regret.  I am blessed to say that thankfully I have a really good support group, and was luckily able to not look back.  Unfortunately, time allows emotions and hard feelings to set in, and regardless if you hate that person for what they did, or miss them, I think closure is good..



With that said, I'm finally ready to bring out Michael.  The show has been going so good, just completed the second week last night, and can't express how excited I am to continue next week, with very special guest, Gary Cosgrove, of whom many of you know him from the imperial court of New York.  However I said to myself, you know its all well and great that I want to let the world know my vision for HIV/AIDS, activism,  but who the heck wants to listen to interviews all week, thats ... mediocre.  I am blessed and beyond thankful that Adam Barta, and Robert Breining came on the show as special guests, and the show's went great.  Next Wednesday I will be launching a second show, called Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd - Dirty Laundry, more or less to bring out the more juicy details.  I am highly looking forward to bringing all of you a very personal, blunt, humorous show, with the opportunity to call in.  After all, many of you know I have an opinion for everything, and I don't hold back.  So tune in Wednesday at 6:30, and recently we got the facebook up and running so check that out.  Thanks everyone for all the love and support..

As for the day, its raining here in Orlando, been working out like twice a day, so super excited that I'm back on my routine.  I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.

Michael

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/mikeslloyd
Twitter: @mikeslloyd
Straight to the Point Radio Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/StraightToThePointRadio
Twitter: @PointPozitive
Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd - Dirty Laundry (Wednesdays at 6:30 pm)-
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/straight-to-the-point/2012/06/27/straight-to-the-point-with-michael-lloyd--dirty-laundry

Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd (Fridays at 6:30pm) - http://www.blogtalkradio.com/straight-to-the-point/2012/06/29/straight-to-the-point-with-michael-lloyd--gary-cosgrove

Happy Fathers Day

Dad,

Happy Fathers Day, to the most humble, most caring, most blessed father in the entire world.  To someone who loved when he didn't have to, to the man who went out of his way, and spent tons of money, at the time seemed so priceless to adopt two helpless boys and offer them a better life, the man who still 24 years later, is still married to the best mother in the world.  For the times, I led astray, you never led me astray.  To the father who, threw a ball with me or shot hoops with me every day after work, the father, who flew home from trips  to be with his two sons for EVER SINGLE sporting event, the father who walked across the stage every boyscout court of honor, and held out his hand as scout master and shook both his hands son as they advanced to each rank.  The very same father, went out of his way to teach both his sons how to ride a bike and later on, taught both his sons how to drive a car.  Over all the many obstacles we all have gone through in life, I must say my father, Mark Lloyd is the best father in the entire world.

Love you Dad,

Michael!

its kinda a blur

          Been a whirlwind of the past few weeks, I can remember like it was yesterday, 2 and a half weeks ago, I was sitting on the patio at Savoy, having a drink and a cigarette, and I was having an argument with my boyfriend, and without thinking about it, something said, type the words, "Are we even good for each other?, and if not, what are we doing?" and I hit send... After that everything from that point on was a total blur, mainly because I chose to make it one, other than the mere factor that I had never loved someone so much before in my life, but also hated someone so much, I still to this day, get goosebumps looking at the text of those words I sent.  

  

        Before I knew it, I was sitting on a plane next to Kurt, my best friend in the entire world, and we were looking out the windows, landing in Newark, New Jersey.  Five days went by, of pure, relaxing, no drama time, with one of the most important people, other than God and my family, in my life.  It was a time to get away from all the negativity, and figure out what it was that I wanted in life.  For years I was here mooching off of whatever I could, or I was so lazy to the point where I didn't want to do anything for myself, but it was probably one of the best 5 days, and over due.  People to this day still ask me, what the hell were you thinking!!?  Truthfully, I've come to the point where I don't care what someone thinks, and if those of you heard my interview on POZIAM Radio this past Sunday, Robert Breining asked me, how do you deal with the negativity, and I said, 'I used to pay attention, but I don't anymore."

     In retrospect to, the reason I'm blogging, everything is still a complete and utter whirlwind.  I remember scheduling the interview with Robert before me and Maxx split, and I didn't really think about it, or rather put it into terms with my dreams and aspirations of furthering my involvement with HIV/AIDS activism.  Kurt, I'm sure you can relate, that we have both accomplished so much this past year, I've seen you grow as a person so much, and I'm proud to be in your life, and call you my best friend.  Just about a year ago, many of you who have been following me, probably remember I announced that I was going to start my non profit, and wanted to give back to the community.  And shortly after I slipped into drugs, but I'm not totally sure....why I'm sitting here even writing this, I guess, well, mainly I'm so overwhelmed with how quickly, everything has been falling into place and how much I've grown as a person, and its been such a natural transition, but at the same time, I keep asking myself, is it right, and I've never been happier.  

    I think back to the break up, and going to New York, and I'm sitting here in a wet towel, and theres water dripping off my beard onto the desk, and I'm dazing off into my mirror infront of myself, and getting lost in the thoughts, which I guess are forming into words, but, I'm at a loss for words I guess, its maybe the pressure of everyone, or maybe its the factor that, WOW im actually achieving my dreams and goals, and OH SHIT, I need to finish this script for my first radio show on Friday, hmmm thats in 2 days, I'm so blaaaah.  I know it'll be good, but I want to be perfect at it.  You only get a first try at a first impression, some say, your only as good as your last show, but I'm nervous, scared, but also, so incredibly happy to be moving forward in my life. 

     Oh YEAH, thats why I'm writing this!!  the break up thing,  I listen to songs, and see pictures, or read stuff that was on my computer that he wrote when he spent the night a couple times, or sweet emails he sent, and its not like i MISS HIM or anything but, I haven't had time to process ANY OF THIS, ...or maybe have I processed it?  How can someone go from being head over heels, I want to put a ring on this boys finger, to 3 weeks later, holding a ticket stub from a us airways flight 4545 to Orlando from Philadelphia, and in the other hand, a pen and a note bad with my script for a talk show that I have wanted for my entire life.  Maybe I'm just finally having time to BREATHE?   I don't think I'm scared of going forward, its just...a mind fuck.  I don't feel bad that I dumped him, or don't regret anything, because, that was the biggest learning experience of my life, other than, overcoming obstacles with meth addiction and living my life with HIV.  any who,  I am getting exhausted,  was at the gym earlier and had the runs, and started to sweat,might be getting sick from the HPV, and Tetanus shots I had last week too, maybe thats why I'm just clouded?  Blaaaah.  Is all of this normal, well. WAIT, what is normal :), normal is what you make it, normal I mean, breaking up with the love of your life, and sitting and preparing for your first talk show, and finalizing everything for your personal trainer certification exam.  All of which, is the most rewarding thing I've ever gone through, because, not only have I grown into the person I know I'm meant to be, but I am offering other people that opportunity to improve the way they live their life.  :)  ..  if your stil reading my jumble of thoughts that probably make no sense, thanks for reading.  

and check out my radio show this Friday at 6:30pm.  Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5OWYoohqJY

a piece of the puzzle

       I decided, the past two years have been one vivid roller coaster, not only that of colorful experiences many of which I don't remember but experiences that have one by one come together and added to this little thing I call the puzzle of my life.  


The following is an email I exchanged with Robert Breining the creator of POZIAM, the first email was to Robert on his article on his article "Evolution of a Cyber Activist"the same day I was diagnosed, January 26th, 2010.  

Robert,                                                                                                                              February 23, 2010

 How are you, My name is Michael Lloyd.  I read your blog on thebody.com entitled; "Evolution of a Cyber-activist."  I am 20 years old.  On January 26, 2010, same day your blog was posted I had a notion to go into a clinic here where I live in Orlando Florida, and got tested.  I was tested with the 20 mins, rapit fingerprick test.  Not only three minutes after I sat in the waiting room a doctor walked out and called me back, and told me I was 'reactive,positive'  blood work was taken and on February 3rd went back and doctor told me I was positive, wanted to email you because, your blog really has sunk deep with me, since I have been doing meth for about a year now, off and on, not regularly.  For the past 2 months I have been feeling th urge to smoke it almost everyday now, and I was curious, what advice you have to me as far as, is it something I tell parents about, or do I go join an N.A class as you said you did?  Would really appreciate to hear back from you.  Hope you have a good week.

 Michael.

About two days later Robert got back to me saying;

Michael ,

Thank you for your email and comments about my blog. I was diagnosed about the same age as you. It is a process man and you will get through it. It took me 5 yrs to get to the place I am today. I advise you to stay connected with others who are HIV+. It is important to know your not alone. I told my mother I was Using and HIV+ because I couldn't stop. I know my mother was afraid that I was using meth and cocaine but was glad I realized I needed help. That is the first step - Admitting you have a problem. Most of the time our friends and family support us and often shock us with the amount of love they offer.But it all starts with you. You must admit you have a problem with the meth. I went to NA meetings because I wanted to stop and had no where to turn. If I were you I would start attending meetings. You can tell you parents about the Meth and not the HIV if that make you more comfortable. Remember move at your own pace but don't stop on the track. You'll get hit by the train. I would advise you to join my network at www.poziam.com and reach out. There is a POZ-Sober & Clean group on POZIAM for this type of support.

Getting it off your chest and saying "I have a drug problem or I have HIV" is tough but when it is all said and done... You will feel 100 times better.

Please don't hesitate to email me with more questions. Best to you on this journey

Robert Breining

HIV/AIDS Cyber-Activist,Blogger & Social Network Guru 

www.poziam.com

We are of the belief that friendship is born the moment when one person says to another "What? You too? I thought I was the only one!"

Connect with me on the following social networks

          Today, June 8, 2012, I am happy to say, I am still in contact with Robert, and just finished a really wonderful Skype chat with him.  For months, we had exchanged messages via facebook, and we have texted here and there but haven't ever really chatted, but I never really knew if I'd see the man who truthfully changed my life forever.  For granted we all have those moments when we are diagnosed where we research other peoples stories, but how often do you come actually read someones blog and have it impact you and stick for years?  Not many if you ask me.  

          I won't give away too much of the rest of my story, considering if you go back in my blog its all right there, but Robert reached out to me a couple weeks ago and asked if I wanted to come share my story on his radio show POZIAM,  and I said, "No way! I'd love to!"  He asked me what I wanted to talk about, and I said, well me of course, and my story.  Theres a reason everyone comes into each others lives, whether we choose to recognize that for good or bad, the important part is taking the good out of each and every situation.  A couple weeks ago I had no clue what I was going to say, in fact, I almost backed out until recently.  I was in a great relationship, and thought I met the love of my life, and things unfortunately didn't work out, and I kept coming back to one solid thing, whats held me together, first and foremost my faith in God, and second my parents and family and friends.  

   I wanted to pull myself away from the equation, and just not sure, express my thoughts I guess?  For over a year now I have wanted to get actively involved in HIV advocacy work, did I know how, or where to go, or who to talk to?  Absolutely freaking not!  But I am blessed to say, we all come back into each others lives for a reason one way or another, and I think I take a lot of this to my head, not the radio thing, but the blessed life I've been given, and the blessings of friendship and family.  I read on a daily basis stories of many of you about how you came from broken homes, or your mother or father died when you were young.  For granted I am adopted and Mark & Lori Lloyd, you both have always been my family, but when it comes down to it, I have nothing to complain about, and I think the past two years of fighting, and the terror of meth addiction, has all brought to this point where I have been given such an amazing opportunity to reach out, and tell the world, tell my friends, tell my family, and express to Robert what I've gone through, and how that simple blog he shared, and him reaching back out to me, was the first glimmer of hope for me, that said, "Michael.... your going to beat this, and it won't be easy, but there are people who care".  So I do thank all of you who have supported me over the past couple years, and I am proud to say everything is finally beginning to come together for me.  

Robert, thank you for replying back to me on February 25, 2010.  I was a lost little boy, stuck in a  world of meth, and newly diagnosed and didn't know where to go, and I thank you for being that shining puzzle piece in the pile of thousands of pieces, that still today has been a shining glimmer of hope for me to keep fighting.  

For all of you who are interested in hearing my wonderful interview with Robert Breining himself , you can click the link below, and listen in LIVE, this Sunday at 9pm, and infact call in and ask me questions.  

                      Straight to the Point with Michael Lloyd - POZIAM RADIO

Blessed

I am beyond overjoyed, and can not thank God any more for being so tremendously blessed.    My parents have always been right, God does have a plan for my life, and I was rescued from that orphanage for a reason and have been a fighter ever since.

As I sit here on the patio and look out over the beautiful lake, all I see is blue sky, and clouds, and take breath after breath, and can't be any more thankful for how happy I am.  But not only because of news from the doctor, but because, for the past couple years I have been going through a spiritual battle with God, and I wasn't really sure where I stood, or where I fit in so to speak with the whole, being gay, and being a Christian thing, or if I should be ashamed, but as I sit here and type, tears of happiness come down my cheek and I have goosebumps, and I believe this is a sign that God does answer prayer, and is that little sign I was praying for over the years of trouble and heart ache.  Can't be happier.  I will defeat this and be the best I can be and be healthier every day.

                                                        Phone call from the doctor;

Michael? 'Yes', Hi, this is Dr. De Jesus, I wanted to let you know that we are going to put you on a study trial for Hepatitis C, and I am confident that we will cure this disease, and that you will be healthier.  I am also going to have to change your HIV medications due to the interactions, and protocol for the study trial program.  Your current medications are Complera which is the three in one, once a day,  I want to change that to Truvada, and Isentress which is once in the morning and once at night.  "What side effects will I have?" 'I assure you, considering your numbers are great and you are undetectable that you will see no side effects what so ever, and I am very confident in this decision.  Are you interested?  I said. ABSOLUTELY, LETS DO THIS!"



Call me crazy, or silly, for posting so much, but I can't thank God enough and my parents and friends for being so supportive in helping me get to this point.  Living healthy should be a priority in everyones life. Not only for those who have HIV but those who don't, stay active, and exercise and above all give your body the fuel it needs.  TRUST ME, I am living proof.  If you want to become well, and get healthy, your the one whose going to wake up and make that decision, nobody else!


and for those of you who have been following it would mean the world to me if you support me in the AIDS WALK on May 19th.  Not for me, but for others!!

Walker: Michael Lloyd

https://secure.kgihost.net/aidswalkorlando.org/donate.php?user_id=2181

When you Believe"

                                      Many nights we pray no proof anyone could hear
                                                   And our hearts a hopeful song
                                               We barely understand

    Dear HIV,                                                                                              January 26th 12:16pm

          As I sit here waiting, I keep rolling up my sleeves of my blue and white striped Hollister shirt,

that for some reason isn't cooperating. This belt is way too tight, Ugh, all I really want to do is go back

' and cuddle with him, and I know he's sitting in the car sick to his stomach for my results to come back

 for this stupid test. Was it something I even wanted to do? "ugh this is so weird, who are all these

 people and why are they sick and coughing, bandaids, this place is freaking me out, cant the hurry up

with the damn, "Michael you can come on back now", the young black woman said as she opened the

door with the ever so comforting smile on her face. If you've read the other blogs I've written, the first

one did go over, the rest of the story on how I found out the diagnosis of my HIV status. That little

voice in my head that I felt about HIV, when I was diagnosed, that scared, I'm lonely feeling is no

longer gone." I will say HIV, you have made me one strong person, and during the course of the past

two years those moments of weakness that brought about my addiction to meth, and the battle that I

face each and every- day.

                                                           Now we are not afraid
                                                Although we know there?s much to fear
                                     We were moving mountains long Before we know we could
                                       Oh yes, there can be miracles When you believe
                                         Though hope is frail It?s hard to kill

 Dear Friends && Family,                                                                                                   May 4, 2012

 I wouldn't take any of it back, but I wish I was more educated back then, and that brings me to ,my

next point, HIV YOU NO LONGER AS OF TODAY WILL HAVE CONTROL OF MY LIFE, I

have overcome this, and am now undetectable and have been on medication for 4 months now. I will

no longer be binded by a over powering, demon in my life, as wake up every day, I look forward to

taking that one pill, because I feel better each and every day! and for so many people they aren't as

 blessed. After years of prayer, blood, sweat and tears, I am finally happy with the person I have

become, and the person I want to be! I praise God, and those around me who have encouraged me

every single day to take care of myself even when I didn't care because I finally get it, I can be happy,

and HIV is NOT going to knock me down!  I am proud to announce I am starting personal training

certification through AFAA that I will be tested on at the end of June, and will be taking one class this

summer at Valencia, in addition to looking for a part time job on the side. All you have to do is believe,

 and trust in yourself and  know there is a better tomorrow. With that said I would like to announce to

all of you I am walking in   the AIDS WALK in Orlando, on Saturday, May 19, at Lake Eola in

Downtown Orlando. I am overjoyed to be walking side by side with the team Mamma Dee Crusaders,

my dear mentor Rob Domenico's mother's team, Dee Richter, and I have entered as an individual

walker. Within the last 24 hours, thanks to those of you who have generously supported me have put

me over my $100 mark to be eligible to walk. I am overly blessed And would mean the world to me if

you can, even if only a dollar, can donate money to my individual walker fund and help those like

MYSELF be happy, and happiness does come from within, but so many people are suffering and

struggling under binds and need support from the community! Say no to ignorance! For those of you

who did support me during my birthday fundraiser, I raised over $240 for Hope & Help in Central

Florida, and I thank Rob Domenico for his contributions to our community and the HIV community in Orlando Florida and has daily inspired me to be the best I can be.

             If you would like to support me in this very honorable cause the link below will direct you to a secure   website to donate, and select individual walker and select my name :)


 https://secure.kgihost.net/aidswalkorlando.org/donate.php?user_id=2181

 I love you all so vert much, and God Bless, and to those living with HIV, you can win, and we will

come together as one and stop the spread of HIV and help our friends get on track.

 Michael Lloyd <3

Step By Step

Not only a dedication to myself but to my parents;

My parents, Mark and Lori Lloyd, which I say you both all the time, but your the reason I wake up every day and want to start my day that small cup of coffee we have whether its once a week, or even the argument ovcer the damn red ceramic frying pan, we have our little moments I know one day I'll not be able to cherish and have and for that reason I am turning my life around, for us as a family and for me.

"Well, there's a bridge and there's a river
That I still must cross
As I'm going on my journey
Oh I might be lost"


Do we look at the little things in life, for example, someone that I have yet to meet from Facebook, his name is Nick Biesik, and for months, we've spoken but never really had any connection, other than, and he may kill me but we have our flity; oh you look cute today, otherwise, one thing that I thought about today was, he doesn't send the the "good morning michael" text messages at 5 am, now he asks me throughout the day, one thing that struck me, he said was, "I'm spending my time worrying about you while spending time with my family" following shortly there after he also said; "I am not putting this much effort in it to see you throw your fucking life away."


Reason I wanted to post this morning, not only is it the resurection of Jesus, so Happy Easter, but, as a couple of you know I had an incident on the 26th of March I believe, and I had 'pnp' and for those of you who don't know get high and have sex, and for those who have followed me on Adam4adam, or Barebackrt.com, or Manhunt and a couple other sites, I have listed; Drug Use. My choice has always been dope. I remember starting on a Tuesday evening I had gotten in this ridiculous argument with my ex-best friend, as we had a falling out, I was outraged, drunk, and whats the first thing you do when your drunk, that is for all of the addicts out there, go on to the next level, for some of us that may be weed, others, like myself its shooting up. On Friday morning around 2:15 I called the cops , in utter panic, and distress, hallucinating



"And there's a road I have to follow, a place I have to go
A place I have to go
Well no one has told me just how to get there
But when I get there I'll know cause I'm taking it"


Two days ago, I for some reason, chose to fall back again, had been speaking to someone online, and we had met up for a few drinks at a little bar in Orlando, called Wyldes, apparently, everyone kept buying me drinks, and I was inebriated beyond belief, and for those who are waiting for that first moment where I spill the raunch, some old man gave me a blow job on the patio.

Long story short, woke up, at my friend Kurt Wagner's house, we had no idea how we got there, somehow the bar tending drove us home, as we made complete embarasing spectacles of ourselves. In the midst I had met someone online from a website, and we had mentioned the whole PNP thing, blah whatever, I was walking home like I had been sitting on tree trunks :) On a serious note, I have spoken to so many people and they continue to say what the fuck is wrong with you? Even my brother has looked at me, and said, what the hell are you doing to yourself?

I remember walking up to the house, after lying to my parents, saying, no I was safe, no drugs, no alcohol, no sex, as we are very close in the respect of they've been my biggest supporters through the HIV process and, I kinda teared up walking down the street, with that nasty, and if you've done crystal meth you know the way that smells, its gross. I was walking up the driveway and stopped and looked in the mirror in the car and said, "walk of shame, again? how many times, do you have to let your own parents see your stupidity and not rising to the occasion and taking ownership?


Is that road a road I want my mother or father to drive down, and see an ambulance in the driveway with me in a body bag, or should they , my own parents not get that much respect from me to owe them my life, and that I will grow up to be the man they taught me to be. And after so much long considering I was so difficult on myself for those other people in my life that bought the drinks, who knew the triggers but....


"Step by step, bit by bit
Stone by stone, yeah brick by brick
Step by step, day by day
Mile by mile, go on your way, go your way"


I believe, being awake now since Thursday early morning, on probably 2 grams worth of dope/crystal meth, whatever you want to call the sTuff. I have realized, yeah, people like to bring each other down, in their shortcomings, but all in the same manner, those people like Nick above and a couple others have tremendously distanced themselves from or out of my life due to my lifestyle choices. I remember, thinking back to when I was first diagnosed with HIV, January 26th, at 12:15pm at Hug Me in Orlando; which so many people don't seem to realize how special those dates are to certain people. My parents, Mark and Lori Lloyd, which I say you both all the time, but your the reason I wake up every day and want to start my day so I love you both so much. I knew who my friends were, it wasn't their choice, I didn't have to weed out the, "I'm so sorry for your situation" kind of person, or those who, "Michael we still love you for who you are," but the moment I got out of the shower they had every cleaning chemical in there scrubbing every last grout line. Back to the drugs, as I am quite sidetracked and I need to try and sleep at least 3 hours for Church, however I suppose, those faces who I wake up and see that, "Hi Good morning" or we all have those same people who like the same things on Facebook, and its really special to appreciate those notifications, not only, did someone take the opportunity to open their life to you, but there interested in what's going on in yours, and for so many years, I have neglected close friend's and our friendships were no longer close during my drug prime, and I thank you Jenna Tuck, for the tough love, as did you Mom and Dad, and its embarassing to relapse and continue to go back, but when I come home and, see friends that do care, I'm reminded of my special qualities, and why you and Dad adopted me from Romania, and that was not to throw it away.